- Peter Cross
- Mar 15
- 2 min read
A journey starts … you know this. The motivation is important, but if there is a direction of travel, the first step, maybe not. Curiosity was my motivation. Actually, it’s been the motivation for so much; at least the intellectual journeys, if not the emotional ones mediated by less complex chemistry.
I was surprised by everyone’s reaction when I told them I wanted to try psychedelics. This suggests others see me differently from the way I see myself. They saw a very well adjusted, emotionally stable (if not overly intelligent) 66 year old, very conventional English man. Well, that’s me making a string of assumptions about many people’s perceptions, but I think the picture is not too fanciful.
I was initially surprised at people’s lack of curiosity, which I see now as not always that. Sometimes there is more fear in the mix than there was for me. In my case, the level of fear was always too small to concern me. Whether that was reasonable at the time may be debatable, but I have been proved right, at least so far … So I engaged the services of a ‘guide’ and I took my first trip. That was a year ago, and while I might instinctively discount its importance now, the things I have changed in my life suggest a more profound and probably long-term (we’ll see!) impact. Looking back now, having had several further psychedelic assisted excursions into my mind, the important discoveries are:
I am exactly who I thought I was. This is hardly profound, but I realised that whatever vestige of fear was in the emotional mix of that first trip, there was a gentle relief to know this.
I have led a charmed life. I’ve been so lucky in the family I grew up in and in the family we have forged on those rock-solid foundations.
I am emotionally beautifully designed for this world. I worry about little, my glass is at least 2/3 full and I believe I can fix whatever needs fixing – I have agency.
I have acquired skills that make me useful to myself and others.
The ‘big’ questions I was asking long before this journey started are the same ones many people my age ask - at least those lucky enough to have the space to pause long enough to ask anything.
What’s it all for; life?
What do I want to do for the last third of my life (as I said, glass at least 2/3 full)?
I believe some of the answers are in.